SPITS.
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Wednesday, July 04, 2007 + 8:53 PM
sorry about the previous
video post. i was just
feeling angsty and
vented it out.
truth is, i havent totally
gotten over it.
why?
up till today, i can't
comprehend why you wouldn't
allow me to see your past.
feel your hurt. and walk
out of it tgt with you.
being too nice sounds
quite like an excuse
to me. i think the
root of the problem is
that you havent completely
got over what haunts you.
that guilt you have is
the consequence of that.
i know i had committed
mistakes too.im accountable
for half of the blame.
i skipped steps in the
courtship when i was
well aware i wasnt supposed
to, rushing things through.
at a point of time i
even had an intention of
putting you above Him.
As a result,im punished.
I came to realise there
were underlying problems
between us and it hit me
abruptly. Just when i
thought things were going
fine, it ended.
i asked for forgiveness
and comfort. i told
Him if i were given a
second chance, i would
do it His way. I prayed
that by Friday, if He
spoke to you and touched
you deep within,and if you
start talking to me again
on Friday, you are the one
He has chosen for me.
Even if so, I'll wait
until you say that you're
completely restored and
healed before I do anything.
Any other girl, I would have
walked on, forget everything,
become cold and start locking
myself inside.
The reason im willing to
do this even after the hurt
is because i do believe
i saw signs that you're
the one. but i cant be
sure and i won't make
assumptions. If He says
no, i shall be obedient
and let go, for holding
on does not do good nor
edify.
you didnt know how much
i tried to know more of
your past. your blog
archives, your previous
blog that you shut down,
i read all i could.
just to find a way to
get inside. not for
personal benefit of
digging out your secrets.
but just to try to find
a way to help.
you're not who i
thought you were,
because you
didnt allow yourself
to be freed from
whatever you're
grappling with.
there's just this one
last chance. If you
continue to run away
from this healing
process,there's nothing
leftfor me to do but
walk away.
Friday.
